Sorry, I don't speak sober.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
