Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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