I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
