Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
