i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
