I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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