Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
