I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
