I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
