the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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