new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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