I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
