Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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