he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
