I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
