and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
