if you like me you must not know who I am
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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