Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
