Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
