Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
