Non-Jews are for practice
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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