I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
