I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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