My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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