yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
