Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
