i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
