I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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