She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
