Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
