I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
