There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
