so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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