I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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