I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's rum buckets o'clock
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
