Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
