found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you inspire me to be a worse person
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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