I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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