I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
