I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
