M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
