I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
