Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
