So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
