I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
