Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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