I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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