So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
