therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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