the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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