I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
