Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
