Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
