Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
