Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
