I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
honey bunches of taint.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
